Monday, April 29, 2013

Weddings & Babies, somehow both comparable to acrylics

I am not sure if the stress of impending finals or maybe our current overdosing of Zyrtec is making us do this, but my friends and I have been discussing marriage and children.  Although we are only 20 so doing either one of those things would be like leaving a party at 10 pm, it still occupies our conversations.  My current stance on both milestones:

Do I need to get married? nah. but I want the beautiful dress and ring, so I can do both at city hall and throw a ridiculous open bar party afterwards in the city.

Babies?  On the one hand I do not want children I want a career.  On the other hand, I would love to say that 1. I survived child birth and can accurately attest to what the pain is really like and 2. I would get to literally create a human being which seems ridiculous and it is a good excuse to screw dieting for almost a year!!!!! As I told my friend the other day, I do not want them in my future, but once I see all my friends popping out kids, I will need one so I have someone to hang out with since thats what all of them will be doing.  Like acrylic nails, I do not think I want them.. until some chick is rocking them and I decide those are a necessity in my life.

But my real question is, why is it that this what we talk about? You don't think that men sit around at lunch and discuss baby names and their future wife's attributes (minus the boobs).  I mean maybe they do... but those are not the boys I ease drop on in our cafeteria.  Maybe because these are things biology programmed into our genes, or because this is the scenario that always plays out for woman in our society. A solid argument was made for biology setting off a mini alarm in our body that says , "bitch get your eggo preggo" and that we get married for the stability of having someone.  However, if that is the case then why do women have such difficult getting pregnant? I think maybe that the latter, society, has programmed us to want both of these things.  I mean if Angelina Jolie has found happiness through both and she sold her soul to the devil...then maybe it is a good thing for all of us.

At the ripe age of 20 I say no to both.  fuck having a man that will judge my eating habits and a baby is a creepy bald mini human.  In 6 years when maybe some poor sap finds my humor endearing and all he wants with sugar on top is a child, I would make the sacrifice for him.  Women like myself decide to do the marriage and baby thing because we love someone enough to do it for and with them.  Your welcome men.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Current Questions and Thoughts

As a full-time student I spend a lot of time day dreaming and avoiding my impending deadlines on work.  I read somewhere on my pinterest that whatever you do in your spare time you should do full time.  So... according to that quote I should stalk celebrities and social media.  One can make multimillions on this career so I can afford the extravagant lifestyle I imagine.  Anyways, most recently in my Developments of Western Civilization course I came up with a list of questions and concerns.  Some of these were random organic thoughts, others generated from my online endeavors, and some from my observations of my classmates around me.

1. Is sub tweeting the new black?

Obviously I am aware that nothing can replace the color black since it is the majority of my wardrobe, but you get the saying.  I read the same amount of sub tweets about friend issues as I look at puppy accounts.  If you have not shit on a friend by quoting some random woman rapper or just put emojis as a tweet the knife, girl, and devil, you have not lived in a dorm.

2. Do people vine sober?

3. please drink coffee/ tv/ or fake it with hot chocolate in a coffee so I understand how people get through the day without caffeine or beaver tranquilizers

4. My aunt always say this and I cannot repeat enough with dress season upon us.  "Bubble hems on dresses or skirts should be retired at 21 years of age"

5. If anyone like me had parents who did not believe that what we watch shapes our lives, then you watched Austin Powers at too young an age.  Austin checks himself for "spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch" before leaving his home.  Can all men do this please?

6. Drunk eating = zero calories.  Did you inhale Dominoes, yeah who gives a shit it will not affect your body mass index.  If you binge drink and do not eat in bed alone still fully dressed in your dress, makeup, and satchel under your arm, your night sucked

7. Crunchy granola people are stuck in the 90s.  Not a bad thing since the 90s was the best era, but they are hung up on all the bizarre things.  Buy shampoo possibly tested on a monkey and maybe I can consider Portland, kale, and organic deodorant.

8. Fake lashes are for club sluts.  I do not have to explain club sluts because everyone went to high school with a girl who worked at "dance clubs" which are loopholes in child porn.

9. What is the next fad after frozen yogurt?
We have seen cupcakes, cookies, cake pops, ice cream, and italian ice.  Although I have not jumped off the "pop" sensation, which is really just tiny pieces of any dessert on a stick, something revolutionary has to occur in my binge eating.  heres praying its minimal calories induced and cash required!

10. If you can sit on your hair, you are officially welcomed into the hippie community.  Congratulations you need to re-evaluate your life.

11. Why is taking birth control in public hidden and shunned.  Your welcome that I am not pro-creating.  Men have an entire alley of condoms that are colorful and inviting.  Women have to go to a doctor, then talk to the pharmasist that shouts your full name and Yaz prescription at several decibels too high.

12. Online drunk shopping is fine! Everyone has done it, jump on the bandwagon!

13. Bagel sandwiches > life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  I am so in love with bacon egg and cheese on a plain bagel that I would seriously consider communism if it was to disappear.

14. Why doesn't Kellogg sell just the Lucky Charms marshmallows?  Yes the cereal is targeted at children and their mothers so it has to be "healthy", but something with marshmallows can be marketed in the most clever ways and still contain a food group of Santa's elves.  If Kelloggs wanted to target their largest audience of their consumers aka college students whose proper diet is a joke, they would incorporate this in their product line.