Saturday, June 1, 2013

Recent Employment

Although in my dreams I would sit around all day watching HBO and eating guacamole (chip-less btw, I take it straight up) and get paid to do so, that is not a profession.  It is, but only for strippers who then take their clothes off later that night for money.  Since I do not have chesticles and have a fear of exposing strangers to the paleness of my body, I have to work this summer.  I am lucky enough to have found employment through 1. a very unpaid internship in Soho at a social media marketing company & 2. a cashier at a liquor store.  Both are actually pretty fun and I wanted to share my observations from both of them...

First off, the internship.  Their office is in Soho, NYC and although I have a torrid love affair with the city I have a few comments/questions for its residents...

1. What the f*&k do you people do for money? Walking to work at 9:45 I pass twenty-somethings just strolling in their pj's walking their pure breed dogs.  TELL ME YOUR SECRETS! I WANT TO BE YOU!

2. The Cronut obsession.  The marriage of croissants and donuts is genius and something I want to invest in.. and by invest I mean eat daily.  However, over eager New York City residents line up for Cronuts at like 6:30 am so they sell out so quick! Throw a girl a bone, I want to try them before this fad is over and its no longer cool.

3. The wine store that does wine tastings in New York Penn Station deserves a standing ovation.  Well played sirs!

4. Is or Isn't there a dress code? I cannot tell when observing the occupants of the trains in the morning. Some of them look hipster awesome then walk into financial buildings, others have skirts that are a finger length from the knee/ no arms showing/ Muslim religion rule.  I cannot keep up, someone just tell me what to wear to work next time.

5. NJ Transit continues to screw me without my consent, that is illegal in this country, trust me I am chick I know my rights.  I have been left in Newark, trains have been delayed hours, and I always sit next to the sweatiest individual.

Now, onto the Cashier job at a Liquor Store.  Well actually, it is considered a "fine wines", so I am obviously putting that on my resume over the Karkov-ringer-upper...

1. People love alcohol.  The fictional Jay Gatsby was so damn successful and its because people worship booze.

2. Whoever invented boxed/juice cartoon alcohol deserves a Noble.  On 90 degree days those are flying off the shelves.

3. I am not sure if this is bizarre or not, but nips of alcohol are straight up adorable.  They are so tiny and cute, but bad decisions that follow from guzzling those down are not adorable.  Throwing up in a pillow case is not adorable. Making croissants at 3 am and dipping them in Nutella is genius... but not cute.  I did not serve those like Martha Stewart would, I gargoyled myself above the tray on the kitchen counter to eat those things.

4. Liquor stores should sell pizza bagels.  Their profits would skyrocket and people who are above the age of 12 will feel less awkward purchasing them in public.

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