Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Pros and Cons about outdoor running

It is that time of year again...the dreaded bikini season.  Even if I am not going to be in a bathing suit for a couple more weeks, I am definitely going to be showing off more skin so I have began outdoor running.  I can't run at school because it makes me fear for my life running around Providence, so coming home to the park across the street from my house is Heaven.  However, running sucks.  Yeah I feel accomplished afterwards but during running it is a constant inner monologue of "don't pass out, you will look hot if you keep moving".  During my run today I kept a running tab of the pros and cons of outdoor running that I wish to share with all of you...

1. Get some color...well get my freckles to maybe connect and give me the illusion of a tan.
2. I try harder because you never know who is passing you in that car.  Maybe someone from high school that I want to show via my running strides that I am doing well.
3. Being one with nature
4. natural downhills and uphills that burn extra calories or give me a quick break
5. Sweating...excessive sweating.  If you sweat it means you tried hard, right?
6. Show off workout clothes
7. Get some  natural highlights in my hair because I am too poor to go to a salon and have a professional do it.
8. Quality "me time" because the entire run is an inner monologue of what I am going to eat once I am done
9. Getting honked at, cat called, or whistled at.  Yes this is a little pervish, but I take it as a compliment. Those creepy "hey babies" keep me going, so thank you random dads, lawn mowers, and the male (maybe female....?) population for the encouragement!

1. Speeding up skin cancer.  I got burned from an hour run before the sun was out
2. People that pass me in their cars while running witness me running.  This is not hot, it is a struggle, it is slow, but its a workout so F&*k all y'all
3. Literally being one with nature.  Nothing is more terrifying then running through an invisible spider web and feeling it on your arm.  Or the random inch worms cannon-balling off the trees into my hair.
4. Screw hills, mother nature is a cold hearted bitch for making those suckers
5. Sweat in your eyes
6. Have to buy workout clothes that are cute.  Who looks cute while working out, no one.  But you have to fake it until you make it by investing in lulu lemon.  $80 for yoga pants should be a crime punishable by law
7. My hair is black...aint no highlights coming through my hair
8. That inner monologue usually results in me talking out loud.  While I have ear phones in so I cannot hear how loud I am, those passing me get a sneak peak into my brain and personal thoughts, sorry about that
9. Liking getting attention from randoms is probably something a therapist and I will discuss later in my  life

My conclusion, I will continue running outside but try to do it earlier in the morning so less witnesses, sweating, and sunburns ensue.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Wednesday the 15th's thoughts/opinions

Just some thoughts and opinions that are racing through my head today...

1. The Great Gatsby brought to film was absolutely incredible.  It was like you were attending the most epic party of all time, but unfortunately had to stay for clean up.  The soundtrack gave me goosebumps aka Lana Del Rey's angel cords were the perfect match.  However, some of Jay Z's lyrics were not historically accurate with the 1920's and talked about the civil rights movement.  I would say you cannot blame Yeezy, but the guy was executive producer so bad editing on your part.

2. my love for pizza will last forever.  Pizza never leaves you like a boyfriend does (literally, you can see it on your ass five minutes after ingesting it).  If someone  could find a way to make pizza under 100 calories, I would kiss them on the mouth, with a lil tongue action if they add mushrooms.

3. Netflix is the best/worst invention of all time.  Take what i say with a grain of salt because I do not pay for my netflix I just use other people's dad's accounts.  I watched like three hours of 'American Dad' yesterday.  Yes it was hysterical, but three hours is excessive.  Also, if Netflix could hook- up with the YMCA so I could watch my shows while attempting to run, maybe I would burn off all those pizza slices.

4. Chobani yogurt is overrated.  That shit cray.  Finally jumped on the band wagon and tried it this am, and this was only because my roommate left some in our fridge I was not going to become corporate and invest. 

5. Bazooka Joe comics are not funny, if you want to last in the gum industry find new talent to write your punch lines. I will continue to chew you and make my dentist further resent my mouth, but spice up my gum chewing experience or I will switch to Bubble Yum.

6.  Paper cuts are worse then breaking a bone.  Okay thats drastic.  Paper cuts are worse then breaking like a finger.

7. The word 'moist' should be outlawed.  Everytime a person uses the word 'moist' they should be shocked or have water thrown in their face to end this word.  Everytime I type the word I frown and picture an old Jewish grandmother describing a piece of cake.  She is not a cute grandmother, she is the grandmother that gives you a card that she literally just wrote 'love, grandma xoxo' in and skimped on the cash.

8. Bikini shopping should be done in the best lighting.  Target uses these high voltage lights that make Cara Delvinge look like she has cellulite and that chick is perfect.

9. I consider myself very up to date with celebrity gossip, and even I cannot keep up with Rihanna's hairstyles.  I think she is currently rocking a blonde bob.  If I was a gamlbing woman, I would put money that before June she changes it again to something either mermaid long or pixie, maybe dyed pink.

Looking back on these, this is more of me complaining.... sorry about that.  Feel free to ignore a lot of these, except the bikini thing.  that should be addressed at the federal level asap.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

ABC's: grades and bra sizes

Final grades for the semester were released today.  Before I see my grades I always repeat what my microeconomics teacher told me freshman year, "grades predict future grades.  Those with a high EQ are the most intelligent people". EQ is emotional intelligence.  If you possess empathy and can be a good person, you will succeed in life.  I told this to my parents before I spit out my grades, neither found it amusing.

Throughout life we are taught so many different ways of ranking ourselves.  Gold stars are usually a good sign early in a child's education, if you continue to get them in your 40's then get your ass off the couch and stop playing Mario Party.  Then in third grade we start to get letter grades.  Holy shit was that scary.  Mainly because everyone gets A's but if you are kid earning B's and C's as a nine year old, your future is dulling or hopefully you are going to invent something.

As if third grade did not suck enough because now you know if you are Achieving, Basic, or Completely screwed, fourth grade follows which is when we sprout boobs.  Now a whole new reversal of ranking comes into play.  A's, terrible.  Forget about it.  Only good part is you can wear tshirt bras for the rest of your life which are so damn comfortable.  B's, not bad but nothing to go home and brag about. C's, holy shit you have made it in life! You can be poor, an idiot, and essentially only talk about your probiotic/vegan diet and people will nod and smile at you.  D's, holy grail!  If you get a D on a test you drown your sorrows in a Dairy Queen Blizzard clocking in at 3000 calories.  If your boobs are a D, you are a queen among the boobless peasants.

So let me get this straight... the highest academic success is achieving an A, which you earn through a caffeine addiction and lack of sleep.  Having chesticles that are a size C is something woman would pay thousands of dollars for, not achieve it but blessed with or rich enough to stick on their chests.

The hope is you either pull a Hilary Clinton and have a nice combo of the two (I think she will rule our country one day), or at least lean more towards A's on tests then C's on your chest.