Leaving for London

Well... everyone has to make the decision of where they will be going abroad.  I chose to not learn another language and be in the most expensive place I could think of, London! I leave tonight at 9 pm and will be returning to American soil god knows when.  The mystery of never coming back is a bit wonderful and terrifying.  I have watched Locked Up Abroad so hopefully this has taught me something. Cheers America, I will update you on my Euro Tour as I begin traveling! 

P.S. Any Europeans who read this with travel tips, please feel free to comment on my posts! Please & Thank You 

Chef Schmell: Trying To Get Wifed Via Cooking

I have a few dreams for the way I want my life to turn out, and I came to the realization that I would like to get married or just have a man that loves to eat.  I need a guinea pig to test all my recipes on.  If you are reading this and sounds like something you are interested in then please keep in mind I am not liable for anything I serve you that may be lethal.  That being said, I am using my family as my tester guinea pigs while home from school.  Tonight's menu was as follows: 

To Start ---- Mozzarella, Tomato, and Basil salad with balsamic reduction and olive oil (salt and pepper for taste).  Sliced bread was also a side, I made mine into a sandwich because bitches love to hate but ingest carbs.

Main Course ---- Beef Kabobs with chopped vegetables that were marinated in rosemary balsamic vinegar.  For veggies we did white onion, green and orange pepper, zucchini, and mushrooms.  The marinate was so simple even pinterest fail pages could perfect it: balsamic, olive oil, thyme, rosemary, salt and pepper. P.S. My dad decided screw kabobs and just did a plate of them in the end, easier to eat but less aesthetically pleasing.

Sides --- Tini tinny potatoes roasted in garlic olive oil and of course the most classic steamed corn. Stole this recipe from Trader Joe's site actually, highly recommend it! Very easy to make and was delicious 

http://www.traderjoes.com/recipes/recipe.asp?rid=18

Dessert ---- Almond Joy brownies with chocolate ganache on top (literally x3000 calories but hell its Sunday).  Was not very creative with this meal and stole it from a foodie blog

http://bakingdom.com/2013/03/almond-joy-brownies.html

Hardest part of the whole meal was making the brownies before hand to cool for an hour and having to watch them as I prepared the rest of the meal! 

July 30th Thoughts and Opinions

Mind is rambling at work, might as well put my thoughts/opinions out there instead of letting them run a track and field event in my brain...

1. Why does the coffee in Soho only come in one tiny size? RUDE.  We all have slight addictions in this borough, bump up the size.  At the price I pay I should be getting a piece of gold as a side to my coffee, but I could settle for a real large.

2. Loving the Andy Warhol Perrier designs, however do you really think when he was creating his masterpieces his real hope was to someday have them on plastic, extremely disposable?  

3. Beyonce. 

4. Back to Beyonce.... Read a quote today, "you have as many hours in the day as Beyonce does".  Is that supposed to be encouraging or depressing?  Because Beyonce accomplishes a lot more than I do in a day.  However, it is her job to be Beyonce, if I dedicated all day to being Beyonce maybe I could accomplish a tini-tiny percentage of what she does.

5. I saw that Kim lost 50 lbs after pushing out that turd.  Maybe she did, maybe she did blow. whose to say. 

6. I wish band aids were in style because I am rocking three of them right now from random injuries.  The cutie on my finger was from slicing tomatoes and not paying attention.  The two on my toe are from the lovely lady who stilletoed my toe.  Now I have Billbo Baggins feet, thanks miss.

7. At our office there is a man across the way that literally sits in his apartment all day shirtless.  Sir, I have so many questions for you. How can you afford that?  And since you obviously have it all figured it out, please tell me your secrets.  I want to live like you, sincerely intern across the street that takes snap chats of you. 

Why July 10th Fuking Blows

Not to be dramatic, but today is the worst fuking day...ever. It is not even 12 pm and today has already back alley kicked the crap out of me and left me bleeding and bruised to die. I knew it was not going to be a parade and calories do not count day when the weather app said NYC 78 degrees this am, but I had some hope.  July 10, 2013 is the worst and here is why....

1. Smashed my iPhone screen -   I have dropped this thing, flushed it down a toilet, and left it in the snow and she has survived.  But I try to answer a text from my dad about a family trip and I drop it on the sidewalk and BUSTED.  This iPhone is now as ratchet as my weekend behavior.

2. Sweating Balls - It is hot.  Not just hot,  Hitler would come from Hell and walk West Broadway and break a sweat type of hot. This is not a cute look for me

3. No cottage cheese - Yes it looks pretty foul to eat, but its a simple pleasure of mine and we were all out of it at breakfast.

4. Had to pee in NY Penn Station and that place is filthy.  I am forever unclean.

5. Ran out of face wash in the shower, so I used shampoo on my face.  This is actually a toss up, maybe it will be awesome for your skin/hair and I will start a new sensation.  Or this is terrible and I ruined my skin.  Jury is still deciding.

Only solace of the day, random woman saying my outfit was killer.  Thank you random lady, you are the reason I do not storm out of work and sit in Dominique Ansels Bakery and go to town on treats.  You saved my sanity and waistline

Turning 21

I had (well still have since my birthday is not over until the next holiday) about being 21 years old.  No this is not a rational fear but neither are a lot of fears in today's society.  Except of course for the Zombie apocalypse since London has a plan set out in case that occurs and I trust London.  I fear this birthday because its the last big birthday that you can enjoy celebrating without being considered older. Every other birthday in my 20's will be the anniversary of my 21st.  Turning 30 will be me crying over a cake, sitting cross legged on my kitchen counter, shoveling pieces into my mouth like a barbarian.  The only hope is that by the time I am 30 calories will no longer count because we beat the system.  The inevitable truth is that I will probably not give a shit.

My parents held me back in pre-k, claiming it was the trend for summer birthdays but I could not tell my letters from my numbers.  So this means I am one of the first to turn 21.  How the hell do you celebrate being legal when no one else can actively participate?

DILEMMAS. But again, another upside! I can use my discount from the liquor store and buy weasel piss alcohol on the cheap!

21 means I get to openly drink more often, so you're welcome world I will be more fun.  As for celebrating, I did a family dinner Monday.  Several pluses with that...
. Got to spend time with my family
. Got free ( and expensive!) booze to drink
. Free thai food, nom
. got to watch my brother drink champagne, lawlz

As for celebrating with my friends, this is not going to be the Vegas Trip I always dreamed of where I get eloped to the biggest whack job.  However, I will be ingesting drinks with friends and that is good enough for me.

what to buy the man that wants nothing and knows your financial struggles

So Father's Day is right around the corner (readers that means June 16th). I got a creepy reminder on my commute into work the other day -http://instagram.com/p/aOu3ETNrtv/ . My friend Kay's mom slipped that into her bag as a reminder and we both got a good laugh.  But in all seriousness, what do you get the man that knows how poor you are?  Every gift I get is either too little, too last minute, or he tells me to return it and use that money for "books"( which really means clothing but what he does not know will not hurt him).

I love my dad beyond words.  I look nothing like the man because my parents used hormone injections to have me and somehow my mom definitely mutated the mixture so we look identical.  But personality wise, we just get each other.  Some dads princess their daughters.... none of that happened in the Hand household.  I played every sport and before I could eat dinner I had to make 10 foul shots in a row.  The only girly thing he partook in was doing my hair when I had a broken wrist.  He made me strong, independent, and a meat lover.  All I want to do is show him my appreciation for not letting me end up a stripper with daddy issues.

So, since I am the eldest child I am in charge of the gift.  I also get to pay for it because neither of their broke asses has an income.  How does a poor person afford a gift from three people to their father?  Well I think I have come up with two options....

1. Since my dad always says not to get him anything, I am getting him this -http://www.amazon.com/cub-Gift-of-Nothing/dp/B002J8VDXE/?qid=1322068563&ref=sr_1_1&ie=UTF8&sr=8-1 . This is a ball of nothing.  I got the man exactly what he asked for, it always fits, and always in style!

or, since I do not want to be known as the jackass kid...

2. Feed Him.  Groceries are affordable, we already own some of the ingredients so that will save cash, and I get to feed myself in the process!

Hoping for the best, expecting an average outcome!

Recent Employment

Although in my dreams I would sit around all day watching HBO and eating guacamole (chip-less btw, I take it straight up) and get paid to do so, that is not a profession.  It is, but only for strippers who then take their clothes off later that night for money.  Since I do not have chesticles and have a fear of exposing strangers to the paleness of my body, I have to work this summer.  I am lucky enough to have found employment through 1. a very unpaid internship in Soho at a social media marketing company & 2. a cashier at a liquor store.  Both are actually pretty fun and I wanted to share my observations from both of them...

First off, the internship.  Their office is in Soho, NYC and although I have a torrid love affair with the city I have a few comments/questions for its residents...

1. What the f*&k do you people do for money? Walking to work at 9:45 I pass twenty-somethings just strolling in their pj's walking their pure breed dogs.  TELL ME YOUR SECRETS! I WANT TO BE YOU!

2. The Cronut obsession.  The marriage of croissants and donuts is genius and something I want to invest in.. and by invest I mean eat daily.  However, over eager New York City residents line up for Cronuts at like 6:30 am so they sell out so quick! Throw a girl a bone, I want to try them before this fad is over and its no longer cool.

3. The wine store that does wine tastings in New York Penn Station deserves a standing ovation.  Well played sirs!

4. Is or Isn't there a dress code? I cannot tell when observing the occupants of the trains in the morning. Some of them look hipster awesome then walk into financial buildings, others have skirts that are a finger length from the knee/ no arms showing/ Muslim religion rule.  I cannot keep up, someone just tell me what to wear to work next time.

5. NJ Transit continues to screw me without my consent, that is illegal in this country, trust me I am chick I know my rights.  I have been left in Newark, trains have been delayed hours, and I always sit next to the sweatiest individual.

Now, onto the Cashier job at a Liquor Store.  Well actually, it is considered a "fine wines", so I am obviously putting that on my resume over the Karkov-ringer-upper...

1. People love alcohol.  The fictional Jay Gatsby was so damn successful and its because people worship booze.

2. Whoever invented boxed/juice cartoon alcohol deserves a Noble.  On 90 degree days those are flying off the shelves.

3. I am not sure if this is bizarre or not, but nips of alcohol are straight up adorable.  They are so tiny and cute, but bad decisions that follow from guzzling those down are not adorable.  Throwing up in a pillow case is not adorable. Making croissants at 3 am and dipping them in Nutella is genius... but not cute.  I did not serve those like Martha Stewart would, I gargoyled myself above the tray on the kitchen counter to eat those things.

4. Liquor stores should sell pizza bagels.  Their profits would skyrocket and people who are above the age of 12 will feel less awkward purchasing them in public.